Procrastination: 

•  To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
•  To postpone or delay needlessly.

Sound familiar?

Procrastination – why do we do it?  Why don’t we get that we’re doing it when we are?  Why don’t we step up and get going when we know we should?  Who knows?  Maybe it’s because it’s a daunting task that taxes us to our limit. Maybe because we’ve done it so many times before that we’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. Maybe the task is so boring and rudimentary that it sends us to the mountaintop screaming, “I’m as bored as hell, and I just can’t take it anymore.” (apologies to Peter Finch)  Maybe we’re just lazy.

Some days I drag around like a dry mop, not doing much of any good for anything or anybody, least of all myself.  I hate days like that.  I coulda, woulda, shoulda myself at day’s end and then surrender to the fact that I wasted another day.  I throw my hands up in the air and hope the sun will come out tomorrow, and the dawn of a new day will energize and enlighten me to know exactly what I need to do and  how to do it. 

Who doesn’t procrastinate, especially when you’re living a life which is seemingly aimless and without direction?  Everyone feels that way at some point or another. That’s me at the moment.  Just hanging and waiting for the next chapter of my life to begin.  Waiting for that bolt of lightning to hit and redirect me to the life I’m supposed to be living.  To that place of meaning where my skills will be welcomed and my life will start thriving once more.  The movers and shakers will tell you that you have to get on the train and get moving.  But which train and where?  I seriously lack the comprehension of knowing which direction to go.  It’s a precarious position to be in at my “advancing” age. There’s no defined answer to this dilemma at the moment, except to cut the procrastination and keep doing anything and everything I can think of to keep me moving forward.

And so I’ve got to go and get to the station – train’s pulling out. 

Destination:  Whereverthechipsmayfall

Today is the last day my daughter Katie will be in her twenties.  Tomorrow, on January 13^th, she turns 30 years old!!!  It’s an amazing miracle since I only just turned 29 on my last birthday :).  Don’t remind her, though.  She’s not very happy about this leap into the next decade.  Ah, youth….she doesn’t understand that she is only in her prime.  The seasoning comes much later on.

The day before Katie was born I met some friends I used to work with for a Chinese lunch.  I can’t remember what I had, and I didn’t know that 24 hours later I would become a mom.  I do remember it was a sunny day, and I was gushing to my friends about my happiness and excitement of having this baby.  I couldn’t wait for her to be here.  At 3 AM the next morning, I awoke with the first pangs of labor. The beginning snowflakes of a major blizzard were just beginning to fall.  I took a shower, packed my bag for the hospital and waited patiently as the contractions got hard enough to go to the hospital.  I made the rough, bumpy trip in a pick up truck, since I wasn’t sure how deep the snow would get.  My beloved Dr. Tsai was already at the hospital. Labor was hard, ending in a C-section, but at 12:33 PM my little 7 lb. 10 oz., 19 inch baby girl made her appearance into the world.  Little Katie Lynn. She was born with her eyes wide open, looking toward the light and that is the way she has always lived her life. She has also plowed her way successfully through many of life’s blizzards.

As an infant she never slept, too curious and afraid she would miss something.  As a little girl she was a leader among her friends and to Megan, she was an annoying but loving big sister.  She was always a good friend, thoughtful and kind and generous.  Katie’s had her ups and downs in life but has always worked through the tough times and landed on her feet. She has become a talented teacher and loving fiancée to Blake.

I thank Kate for teaching me how to be a mother and Megan for joining her for those lessons two years later. Being a mom was not the easiest job in the world, but it was the most fulfilling. It seemed so hard at the time, and I used to long for the days when they would be grown and I would have some time to myself.  Little did I know that when that time came, I would long for the days when they were little. I didn’t realize how much I would miss that precious time together. I can say with conviction that being a mom is the only thing I’ve done right in my life, and I thank God every day for the blessings of my daughters.

So I raise my glass and my heart to you today, my sweet girl.  I ache with pride for the woman you’ve become.  I wish you all good things in life and more happiness than your heart can hold. Enjoy each moment and live your life well – keeping your eyes wide open and looking toward the light. And don’t sweat the big “30,” Kate, for the best is yet to come!