“The Biggest Idiot on the Face of the Earth” award goes to: Ben Flajnik. I am so done watching that stupid show! I am talking, of course, about The Bachelor. At the moment I find myself asking why I allowed myself to get involved in this program with this dope and these ridiculous women in the first place. I’ve wasted precious time I could have used to twiddle my thumbs. His choosing the shallow, self-centered vixen Courtney over beautiful, smart and funny Emily has just done me in. I’d like to smack him with that rose!
And when it comes to love, who goes scuba diving in shark-infested waters to get a rose?!?! I mean, they bite! Or who would jump out of a helicopter into a 500 ft. cavern in the ocean to prove to this guy that they love him? Or who climbs to the highest point of the Golden Gate Bridge or hikes up treacherously steep steps to the top of a temple in Belize to have a picnic lunch? How do you possibly descend those steps without getting a major case of vertigo anyway? I’m stymied. These are the things I think of while I’m watching the show, and yet, like a car wreck, I can’t look away. These beautiful women who seem intelligent and have interesting careers, cry and weep like middle schoolers over this dorky guy as if he’s their last chance on earth to find true love. They cat fight and back stab and degrade themselves. All for what? For mop-topped Ben in his rumpled clothes, day-old stubble and goofy smile?! Let’s face it, he’s no George Clooney.
I know I’m rusty, but if this is what you have to do for a little romance these days, I’m out. I know I’m getting old and have a 28-year-old track record that crashed and burned, but I wouldn’t do any of these death-defying shenanigans for anybody. I must be the most boring woman in the world because I wouldn’t dream of swimming with sharks even if I were surrounded by scuba divers with guns. I would not EVER get into a helicopter, let alone jump out of one in mid-air into the ocean. Seriously, are you kidding me?! I guess I’m just a big drag because most of the stuff they do on this show I wouldn’t dream of. The only thing I would be willing to do is to fly off to these tropical islands and drink pina coladas on the beach all day. I’m good with that.
I know you won’t believe me when I say I am a true sucker for romance. I’m a pushover for every chick flick that comes down the pike. I would love nothing more than finding my Prince Charming (as my Aunt Joan would say) someday. This is surprising considering my history, but we won’t go there. I love flowers and heart-shaped boxes of candy and declarations of true love, but I wouldn’t climb the Golden Gate Bridge to get them. I’m looking for love to enter my life a little less dramatically.
My Aunt Joan, in a moment of frustration, once told me she didn’t want to live without her husband Stan. He was quiet, loving and completely devoted to her. They were each other’s second chance at love, and they nailed it without ever skydiving out of a plane! That’s the kind of love I’m looking for – the quiet, steady kind you can’t live without, not the kind you have to kill yourself over.
Happy Valentine’s Day.