I’m watching the movie “Almost Famous,” and I’m crying because I’m reliving my youth and missing who I used to be. What do I love about this movie? In a word….everything…. I love that era so much that it hurts. I miss the music and my yellow Volkswagen Beetle in which I drove cross-country. Kate Hudson is wearing a multi-colored knit shirt that I use to own. It was my favorite and wearing it made me feel free. I’m wondering why I ever gave it away – like the life I wanted to live. I gave it all away – my youth, my freedom, my soul. I gave it all away to someone who didn’t deserve it.

In that time and space, I felt free.  Like I could do and become anything in the world.  And I wanted to become so many things…an actress…a writer…a dancer.  I wanted to live in total freedom from all the restrictions of the world. But here I am…nowhere near where I wanted to be because I made the wrong choices. Now I know I’m getting dramatic because things haven’t been totally awful.  But as I watch this movie I’m thrown back into a time and place that was so exciting and awe-inspiring, and I miss the me I used to be.  I’m thrown back in time when guys had long hair and wore paisley shirts and wide bell bottom jeans.  They were so cute and endearing. Some had mustaches, some had beards.  They wore steel-rimmed or aviator glasses. Back in those days, I had a boyfriend named Dave who was this guy. Why did I leave him?

I’m filled with introspection and longing tonight as I watch this movie, letting it throw me back in time and space. They’re playing Cat Stevens’ “Wind of My Soul” as Kate Hudson dances barefoot across a stage.  My heart weeps. My life has not turned out the way I planned, and tonight I’m feeling it more than usual because I’m doing the very thing now that made me very miserable then, as I struggle to become the person I want to be.

I want to be free from all the cares in the world.  I want to dance barefoot across a stage to “Wind of my Soul” in my gauze blouse with my long straight hair. I know I can’t go back. I know I’m not 18 anymore.  But tomorrow is another day, and who knows where the winds of time will blow me and my future? I will just have to keep holding onto the hope that there’s still time to become the me I always wanted to be.  There’s just no other alternative. I have to listen to the wind of my soul and where I end up well I think only God really knows.

Thanks for the blast from the past, Mr. Crowe.