Celebrity Crushes

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Out of sheer boredom, or maybe the need to be warply entertained, I started watching the television show, “Millionaire Matchmaker.”  It’s interesting to realize that even rich people don’t have any idea about what dating etiquette is all about. Some even belong in the “no clue at all” category. One of the first questions host Patti Stanger asks her clients is “Who is your celebrity crush?” From that answer she gets a feel about what type of appearance and personal traits her client is looking for so that she can weave her magic with perfect matches.

This has gotten me to thinking about who my celebrity crush might be. The celebrity crush thing for me actually started a long time ago in a galaxy far away.  At the age of 7 or 8, my first celebrity crush was Jerry Lewis.  (Yes, I was a weird kid.) He made me belly laugh, and, apparently, that is the most important thing 7-year-olds are attracted to. I also thought he was cute and loved watching his movies, although I could never figure out why he wore his hair long and greased back on the sides with a flat top.  Didn’t matter, when he went into that stupid slapstick circle dance with arms and legs flailing, I just could not resist him. But then I found out he was married with 5 or 6 kids, and we were finished. After all, I was Catholic.  Plus, I started a real life crush on a kid named Brian who lived around the corner and focused on tormenting him instead.

At the age of 13 I saw my first risqué movie, “The Graduate.” By today’s movie standards, this movie is a walk in the park. Well, out of this movie came my Dustin Hoffman phase.  Short and dark did it for me.  And, he had a cute smile and was a little naughty. (What I knew about naughty at that age was next to nothing, but I was curious.) It’s then that I decided I was going to become an actress, star with him in a major motion picture and marry him right after I graduated from high school. I had it all figured out. Little did I know that in senior year things would change with the release of “The Godfather.”  Move over, Dustin; enter short, dark, smoldering Al Pacino.  Al started my whole “want to be a mafia wife” phase. I mean, who couldn’t resist Al Pacino, for gosh sakes?!  Those fiery brown eyes held me captive. When he said, “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse,” I wanted him to know I wouldn’t have refused any offer he made.  And it would be strictly personal, not business with Al, let me tell you.  I can’t tell you how many times I saw that movie just dreaming of a chance to “go to the mattresses” with him. Once I even saw him get out of a taxi on the streets of New York and followed him down the street like a stalker until he ducked into the backstage door of a theatre, thwarting my attempt to…well, I’m not really sure what I would have done with him if I caught him. That’s better left unsaid.

I’ve had a succession of other crushes in between that didn’t last nearly as long as these did. I even had a thing for Woody Allen for awhile because I completely got his humor, was a groupie for his movies and thought he was brilliant.  I also have an unprecedented weakness for musicians – Springsteen, Carradine, Fogelberg, any one of the Eagles, etc., but that’s another blog for another day.

Now that I’m older and wiser, my taste in celebrity crushes has shifted but in some regards has come full circle. Tom Hanks is my current crush simply because he makes me laugh.  Not in the Jerry Lewis slapstick or the Woody Allen sarcasm sense of the word, but in the witty, wisecracking, exaggerated, rhetorical kind of way. In addition, he’s got the “cute” factor.  The bottom line is I’m looking for a man who can make me laugh and is kind of cute. Is that too much to ask?  Just in case Patti wants to know…not that I’m a millionaire or anything…

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