Author Archives: susezit

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About susezit

~ Expressing random thoughts and issues is my thing. ~ I’m complicated. ~ I understand quirky. ~ I'm a work in progress. ~ I've discovered I'm pretty strong. ~ I'm trying to become the me I've always wanted to be. (Essays are original works of the author. All rights reserved.)
Mar18

STEEL DRUMS IN THE SNOW

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thPH0E6G0II get into my car this morning to move it out of the street so that the plows can come through to clear this bloody six more inches of snow off the streets.  Did it REALLY snow AGAIN?!?  Seriously?!?! To add insult to injury, the radio is blasting Margaritaville, and it somehow seems so wrong that Jimmy Buffet is singing about tropical drinks on a hot, sunny palm tree-lined island while I’m stuck in this deep freeze in New Jersey. I mean, this is the gazillioneth storm of the season, and it’s just, well, sad. I can almost cry.

Last week I was basking in the warmth of 60 degree temperatures as I walked along in the park with Bella, seeing actual flocks of robins picking at the ground.  I had to pinch myself I was so happy.  I thought about finally putting away all that heavy winter clothing along with my snow boots.  I thought about taking all my light, fun, summer clothing out.  I was actually giddy at the thought.  I considered driving to the beach to walk along the sand. Daydreams aren’t always kind. Little did I know that cruel Mother Nature had yet another surprise in store this week. I woke up to the ring of the phone.  Another snow day closing.  What?!  Huh?!  I look outside and AAARRRGGGHHH.  The expecting dusting turned into an avalanche.

thZMAE77HFThe surprise of Margaritaville on the radio was just another zing…to the moon, Alice…kind of dig.  How dare you throw me back to sunny Key West, Jimmy, when I’m stuck in this down-feathered jacket with these awkward chukka boots as I shovel and trudge through yet another pile up of the white stuff.  You are just too cruel!!! You’d never find your lost shaker of salt in this deep white mess!

Spring is on its, way.  Honest. Really, I just know it is. I promise you that I heard the sweet sounds of birds chirping in the early morning last week through the crack in my window. We just have to be patient a little while longer. It will happen.

Besides, who says you can’t drink Margaritas in the snow?thJ5E90RBT

Mar9

EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT IN THE END

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I’m a quote-aholic. I can’t help but think when I hear something poignant, that the universe must be talking to me.

Take, for instance, this afternoon. It’s just another cold winter’s day on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I’m trying to learn how to relax, which has never been part of my nature. So after spending most of the morning running around, going to the park with Bella, etc., etc., I force myself to sit and watch a movie mindlessly, but instead, start to write this blog. Far be it from me to sit and do nothing. 🙂

imagesThe movie is one of seen a number of times…“The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.” It is about a group of older people who travel to India to live out the rest of what’s left of their lives. Each has a story of growing older, feeling useless in retirement, feeling unlovable through divorce, feeling tossed aside, washed out, used up. They’re hoping that India will be a place for them to make a new life with what’s left of theirs.

The movie is chock full of quotes, life lessons and the stuff that makes you rethink everything you’re doing in your own life. I am impacted again and again throughout the two hours of a movie so beautiful and idealistic that I want to cry.

And so, I’d like to share these treasures with you:imagesA9HVHVMQ

  • Can we be blamed because we feel like we’re too old too change? Too scared of disappointment to start it all again?
  • We must get up in the morning and do our best. Nothing else matters.
  • Nothing happens unless we first dream.
  • There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it. Only a present that builds and creates itself as the past withdraws.
  • The only real failure is the failure to try.
  • He who risks nothing; does nothing; has nothing. What you could have done should have been more than nothing.
  • Don’t you know that you can have anything you want? You just have to stop waiting for someone to tell you that you deserve it.
  • Initially you’re overwhelmed, but gradually you realize it’s like a wave. Resist and you’ll be knocked over. Dive into it, and you’ll swim out the other side.
  • The measure of success is how we deal with disappointment.
  • Your future will be different. Your fear is that it will be the same.
  • What’s the use of a marriage when nothing is shared?
  • Most things don’t work out. But sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.
  • I know you’re off you game…lost your footing…lost your confidence maybe. But you are a thorobred. You’ll be back.
  • When someone dies, you think about your own life. And I don’t want to grow older. I don’t want to be condescended to. To become marginalized and ignored by society. I don’t want to be the first person they let off the plane in a hostage crisis.
  • Don’t just cope…thrive.
  • If I can stand on my own two feet, so can you.
  • Prepare to be amazed. Take my offer of a vision of the future.
  • Celebrate change.

And my favorite:

  • Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, then it’s not yet the end.

Take just one quote (or all of them!) to heart and let it/them settle in and take root as you journey through this labyrinth called life. All will be well in the end.

Feb14

FOLLOW YOUR HEART…THERE’S LESS TRAFFIC

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0208141143Follow your heart…there’s less traffic. I saw a flag the other day with this aphorism imprinted upon it, and it seemed like an apropos thought to ponder on Valentine’s Day.

How many of you have actually followed your heart?  Me?  Not so much. I got caught up in the whirlwind notion of love and took a detour. I thought I was in love, but things eventually changed, and I spent most of my days wanting and needing more. I now know that he wasn’t the one.  Maybe I was lazy…or lonely…or thought it would eventually work out and be great.  But it wasn’t. Not following my heart was quite a big mistake, and I’ve often wished that I’d gone down the proverbial road less traveled.

Why is there less traffic when you follow your heart? Because that road is yours and yours alone.  It’s your journey…your choices…your twists…your turns…your destiny.  If you follow your heart without listening to all the noise and opinions from others around you and what they think you should or should not do or where you should turn or pull off, then you’re left to discover your own path. I don’t really think many people are brave enough to do just that. That’s just my take.

It requires a lot of time and effort to actively pursue what you want in order to get exactly what you need.  Sometimes you settle for what comes along instead of finishing the journey to see what you really set out to find.  You think you are happy and that it’s enough.  But usually it’s not, and you end up yearning for more…more romance…more excitement…more compatibility…more…more…more. Never satisfied…always restless.

Does the total notion of being crazy, wildly, passionately in love with the right person really exist?  Yes.  Absolutely.  I’ve seen people who’ve nailed it. I know they are the lucky ones who traveled down that road of their very own where there’s less traffic and listened only to their own heart. They are the ones who shut their ears to the Negative Nancy’s and Naysayers. It’s not an easy trip; in fact it’s a hard and lonely expedition. But what you find in the end is well worth the journey.

Happy Valentine’s Day to those of you who have finished their trek and are contently happy with their destination. And to those of you have taken a wrong turn or two but have found their way back to the highway of their heart’s desire, I wish you fortitude to stay the course until what you seek is finally found.

P.S. I bought myself the flag as a reminder to stay the course 🙂

hearts

Dec31

A BRAND NEW YEAR!

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The holidays will soon be over and tonight the New Year’s Eve festivities to welcome 2014 will begin. There is nothing like the promise of a brand new year. It’s the greatest gift of the whole holiday season! It’s like getting a new book you’ve been eager to read. You run your fingers over the freshly pressed cover, open it enthusiastically and begin reading with much anticipation for a story well-told. It’s like buying a lottery ticket for a high stakes outcome and waking up a winner!

imagesL5LFXP6PA new year is a new chance to get it right.  It’s like getting a “do over.” So what if last year didn’t measure up to what you were hoping for! Laid before you are 365 brand new days to do things differently. Put away the worries and cares that have haunted you throughout the past year and forge ahead into your future of new beginnings. There’s nothing like the newness of those first few days and weeks that fill you with optimism.  It’s your time to stoke the embers of disappointment into new flames of possibilities that will burn brightly throughout the year. It’s easy to imagine the positive goodness that awaits you. Seize each day and make it count!

I hope this New Year will be a best seller for you – that you will win in the lottery of life. I hope that all your problems will be solved…your sicknesses healed…your homes blessed…your love renewed…your employment restored…your finances  replenished…your faith rekindled. And when you look back on 2014 next New Year’s Day, I hope your heart will be filled with the satisfaction of a year well done.

Cheers!

Dec24

CHRISTMAS EVE

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Well, it’s here…Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, the festivities will be just about over.  The gifts unwrapped, the food eaten, the libations poured. Months of hurried preparation and anticipation will wind down to a relaxing yawn and feet up on the couch.

This year is a quiet one for me, unlike years past when my kids were young. Life has evolved into a solitary calm where I have the time to ponder the meaning of this magical night. Right now there is a soothing silence, and while I’ll still recall with fondness the craziness and excitement of Christmas’s past, I’ll enjoy the contented peace of right now.

I took a walk early this Christmas Eve morning and admired the beauty of the sunrise. Amidst the pandemonium of wondering about the Christmas of this year, I turned around to walk back and spied the full moon lazily drifting into the invisibility of the morning light.  With all the gaiety of the season and serious maddening rush, the fact that nature carries on serenely with the rising of the sun and setting of the moon, with birds flying, rabbits scurrying and deer peering through the brush is somehow heartening.  It is ageless and has been evolving in this manner since the beginning of time.

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Years and years ago on Christmas Eve, even before Andy Williams sung about “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” a poor couple made their way in the cold night, wife riding on a donkey, husband leading the way through the darkness to a stable with a manger filled with hay. A Baby was born that night without the creature comforts of a warm bed. His parents didn’t have fancy food to eat or hot chocolate to drink or a place for them to sleep comfortably. There was no music or gaiety or parties to attend.  There was only the shadowed night and the sky filled with brilliantly shining stars, maybe a moon, and the warmth of the barn animals.  There was the promise of the sunrise of a brand new world where Our Savior would finally bring us the supreme present of redemption.

I ask you to find time to pause this Christmas Eve and think about what this sacred night is really all about. It’s not about having the biggest, most beautifully decorated tree. It’s not about the rich foods or the sweet cookies or the egg nog or the right gifts festively wrapped and placed strategically under the tree.

It’s about somehow finding a way to give thanks to Jesus for His sacrifice of coming to this earth as a fragile Baby without the comforts of wealth, with only nature surrounding Him, in order to save us.

On this Silent Night, this Holy Night, I wish you peace and joy and the insight to be truly thankful for the ultimate gift of Jesus.

Dec8

JOHN

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John iiThirty-three years ago today, I woke up in a hotel room in Walt Disney World, turned on the TV and learned that John Lennon had been murdered.  My heart dropped.  It was just so sad and a travesty, really, that such a peaceful person should die so violently.

John was my favorite Beatle.  Although all my friends were in love with the “cute one” Paul, I was drawn to John. I loved the shape of his nose, his kooky round glasses and cute smile.  I loved that he was the free spirit of the group.   Yes, he was the bad boy, and, no, I never really got the Yoko Ono attraction, but you have to admit that it was a true love match, for sure. johnTo me, he was the epitome of talent, a heartfelt poet, a free bird, and, as a latent hippie myself, I “got” him.  He said what he meant and meant what he said, although I don’t think the derogatory comment about being “more popular than Jesus” was more than a passing comment and was taken out of context. My belief is that it was off the top of his head and not meant to be taken seriously. I think he was just so overwhelmed by the Beatles’ fame that he just blurted it out without thinking. That’s just my point of view.

johniiiAs I was pondering all of this about John today on my morning walk with Bella, snowflakes started to fall. It was quiet in the park with only one or two people mulling about.  It felt serene, like a good place to honor John. When I got into the car to return home, the first song I heard on the radio was “Imagine.” The world hasn’t turned out quite as John imagined.  Not yet anyway.  But his songs leave a legacy that will never be matched and will challenge us always to live, love, try harder, take care of the less fortunate, and to strive always to be peaceful.

God rest your gentle soul, dear John, and help us to keep believing for a better world.

Nov23

Thanksgiving Reflections

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ThanksgivingThanksgiving is the time, of course, for giving thanks, and you don’t have to think very hard or look very far to start counting your blessings. I like to consider myself a thankful person, even in the face of adversity. I’m not always as positive as I should be, but I’m thankful.  When I was a young girl, I used to make a little production about writing my blessings down on paper on Thanksgiving Day.  They would be simple, something like:  Thank you for my mom and dad and brother and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. Thanks for Gigi my dog who follows me wherever I go.  Thanks for my best friends Gayle and Tommy. Thanks for our color TV.  Thanks for my teacher Miss McGurk…I really like her a lot. It was all very simple and to the point because at that age you don’t think into the depths of what true thanks entails.

As the years have unfolded, giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day has become deeply reflective and maybe a bit more complicated. Not everyone gets to live in that Norman Rockwell painting depicting the perfect Thanksgiving. I’m embarrassed to say that some years, depending on where I am at that point, I become a bit arid on the subject. Circumstances like the loss of loved ones or financial blows or job changes that didn’t turn out for the better or health problems or loneliness.  I’m sure others who are going through the ups and downs of life may have similar feelings. It’s just that sometimes our perspectives get strained and fuzzy, and it’s hard to imagine that things will ever get better, even though they usually do.

At these times I like to try really hard to look at my daily life and at the little things that make me happy.  It mostly revolves around nature and pets.  Like admiring a gorgeous pink and blue sunrise over the bay or making wishes on the thousands of brilliantly twinkling stars in the clear night sky.  Enjoying the splendor of a full, round blue moon. I admire the spectacular magnificence of the ocean or the colorful array of autumn leaves or the ability to breath in the clear cool air on my daily walks. I snuggle with my pets who make me laugh as I enjoy their amusing antics. I try to savor good food and try new recipes. Mostly, I try really hard not to dwell on the “what ifs?”  It’s not always easy.

So, if I can offer a suggestion to those who need a boost on this Thanksgiving Day, if you’re losing hope…give thanks that tomorrow is a brand new day to begin again.

If you think you’ll never get ahead financially, give thanks that you have enough for this day.

If you’re lonely, have faith that you never know what surprises may be in store for you.

If you have a roof over your head and heat to keep you warm on these frigid winter nights, remember you are luckier than many.

If you’re sick, be hopeful in your doctor and medicine and that in time it will get better.

If you’ve had a good dinner and your belly is full, you are truly blessed.

If you can get up in the morning and move at all, try to remember there are those who can’t.

Minimize the negative; accentuate the positive, even when it takes all the strength you can muster up to do so. And just keep it simple.

For my expanding family, friends and loved ones. My faith. My crazy pets.  A place to live. My health. Work. Good food.  Creature comforts.  The beauty of nature. The promise of hope. In all of this I give thanks to my dear, sweet, generous God.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Nov8

HOPELESS ROMANTIC

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Yesterday afternoon was chilly and stormy, and I got to do what I love best on a day like that – curl up on the couch with a blanket and watch an old (1995) romantic comedy. Honestly, nothing is better than that for me. I’m very low maintenance.

fk2I was lucky enough to come across one of my old favorites.  I hate to call it “old.”  I prefer the word “timeless.”  The movie was “French Kiss” starring Meg Ryan (of course – she seems to be in all my timeless favorites) and Kevin Kline (as opposed to the usual favorite Tom Hanks).  In this movie we have a headstrong, conservative “have life all figured out and organized the way she wants it to play out” Kate and a scruffy, rough-around-the-edges, living life on the edge Frenchman, Luc.  Kate’s planning her wedding as her fiancé Charlie flies off to France on business. While there, he meets and falls in love with a sexy little French kitten, and a monkey wrench is thrown into everyone’s plans. (I love animal metaphors.) When Kate flies out to win Charlie back, she meets Luc and is instantly repulsed by him, of course.  Well, this happens and that happens, and one thing leads to another, and yes, you know the ending…her life is turned topsy-turvy, and she ends up falling madly in love with Luc and living in a stone house on a hill with a breath-taking view of the French wine countryside where they live their lives in the end cultivating their fk3own vineyard.  Heavy sigh….

I love crap like this…I really do.  Nothing warms my heart more than watching the intricacies, however predictable, of human nature where life doesn’t work out the way you planned but love conquers all in the end.  It’s what I live and breathe for.  I guess I can be labeled as one of those crazy, hopeless romantics.  But I just can’t let it go.

Life hasn’t worked out the way I planned, indeed.  But I know my twisted turn of fate is coming soon where I’ll meet “the one” across a crowded room (I’m obsessed with that scenario), and I’ll live happily ever after. Until then…there’s always the Hallmark channel…and I think “Sleepless in Seattle” is on this weekend. 🙂 Time to grab my blanket!

If you have a moment, take a listen to some of the songs in movie, including my theme song by Van Morrison, “Someone Like You.”

Oct27

SANDY BLOWS

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SANDY BLOWS

Last year at this time there were a lot of boarded-up homes around here, making it resemble a movie set for a haunted Halloween production. But it wasn’t a movie set…it was real.  The skies were dark.  The clouds were brewing.1026121323a_0001

Last year I would often take my dog Bella down to the end of the next block to walk around a mini-park and relax peacefully in a gazebo peering out over the calming waters of the Barnegat Bay.0711120833a

Last year I was nervous and stressed out, wondering where I would go when I evacuated…how I would pack up my pets and what I would do if when I returned, the place I called home was no more.

Last year the threat of Sandy hung heavy in the air.

This year there are no boarded-up homes. The sun is shining.  The weather is still warmish. The park where I took Bella?  Destroyed.  The gazebo? Gone…washed out to sea.  Some people have left that area…others are rebuilding.  Today I have a place to call home, and my pets lounge and snooze comfortably around me. So many others…not so much.sandy 2

I stopped by a Jersey shore town last weekend and took a ride down a street that led to the bay.  I caught my breath at what the area still looks like.  So many abandoned homes. Neighborhoods in ruin. Temporary trailer parks filled to capacity.  Homes boarded up.  It looked like, again, the movie set for a haunted Halloween production.  But it was real.  It sent chills down my spine to think that for so many people it’s still not over.  And although the sun is shining, it’s still dim and grim. It’s still a battleground.

As the anniversary date approaches of the hit of Sandy on the Jersey shore, I can’t help but to reflect on how different life was just a year ago at this time.  And how many changes have occurred since then…how many things have been destroyed, how many people are still suffering. It makes you sad and mad all at the same time.  I can’t imagine how the people in the flux of it all cope. But it is the bravery of these wounded warriors that I keep forefront in my remembrance of this horrible tragedy.  The tenacity in their persistence to rebuild.  To stay.  To not let this ugly event destroy them, even though so much of what they had was.  Their strength.  Their dexterity.  All the words in the vocabulary that mean tough and brave and admirable. That’s what these Jerseyans are.

They call Sandy a super storm, but she doesn’t deserve the adjective “super.” There was nothing “super” about it except the super mess it left in its wake.  Sandy just blows.

What is super?  The people of New Jersey…their super hearts, their super souls, their super “up yours” attitude that keeps them tough and strong in the face of adversity. That’s the definition of super. Thumbs up to these super heroes!